did you get engaged???
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
