i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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