This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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