i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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