Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
