...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
