babies were throwing up all over the place
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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