also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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