see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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