this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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