dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
