i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
