Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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