i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
