If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
