the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
