You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
