My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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