Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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