I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
