so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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