Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
