Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
