PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
