Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
