She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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