feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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