mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
