I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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