At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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