After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
