I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
