I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
