why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
