Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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