It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
