We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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