Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
