Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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