lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
