im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
