There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
