so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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