fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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