dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
