That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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