The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
