i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
