I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
