i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
