lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
