remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
