Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's the barista slut.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
