There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
