There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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