just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
