do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
