census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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