I wish my penis had an off switch
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
