it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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