I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
