Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
