Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
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Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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