Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
