I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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