Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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