Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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