Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
