You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We named our party play list daddy issues
she looked like the before picture.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
