I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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