I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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